I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
