His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
