So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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