You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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