you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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