First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
