The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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