smell my finger.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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