so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
