god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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