Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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