That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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