You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
