i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
