if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
