I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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