That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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