Me. At least after what I've been through.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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