He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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