I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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