Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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