Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
