I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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