The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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