I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He felt like a one man threesome
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Randomize
