On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
