Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
