i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
