Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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