did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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