now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
