I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
