M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
