nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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