remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
