When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
