is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
