I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
