i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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