Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
