Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
