You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
