So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
