He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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