You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
