My room smells like vodka and shame
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
