I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
