i may or may not be watching the land before time
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
