you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
