Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Edward fifth and chaser hands
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
