Michael Bay diarrhea
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Someone came in the potted fern
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
