24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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